In a move that has both shocked and confused economists around the world, the Bank of England today either slashed or raised interest rates to the aleph-null, the smallest infinite cardinal number.

Following June’s shock Brexit vote and subsequent revised growth forecasts it is believed that cutting interest rates will encourage spending in the economy whereas high interest rates will motivate people to save. It is so far unclear what changing the interest rates to a post-infinite hypothetical number will have on international markets.

At a recent speech at an event held by Mathematics lobbying group ∀ n ∈ ℕ: n² ≥ n the Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond was quoted as saying:

“I don’t know much about what’s going on, but I’m sure it’s probably ok.”

Giving a statement at 10:15am this morning, Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney said:

“The Bank of England is prepared to buy £60bn of government bonds to help stabilise the economy and also define the cardinality of the continuum.”

Responding to the Mail on Sunday journalist Mark Hodgeson’s questions “What?” and “Why?” Mark Carney broke into a cold sweat and began counting upwards from zero.

He was hospitalised at 16:42 this evening.

The FTSE closed ℶ points up today.

Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-36976528